AFTERTHOUGHTS • The Virus That Stole Christmas


Every Who down in Whoville liked Christmas a lot . . . 

But the Virus, who infected Whoville, Did not!

The Virus hated Christmas! The whole Christmas season!

Now, please don’t ask why.  Only Dr. Fauci knows the reason.

It could be he was a parasite, much smaller than bacteria.

Or that he knew he would some day go the way of diphtheria.

But I think the reason ascribed by most folks

Is that too many people thought he was a hoax.

Whatever the reason, hoax or parasite, 

He stood there with a temperature of 102 Fahrenheit,

Staring out from his host with a sour, Virus frown,

At the warm lighted windows all over the town.

For he knew every Who down in Whoville was wearing a mask,

Busy with Christmas preparations; they could all multi-task.

“And they’re hanging their stockings,” he snarled with a sneer.

“Tomorrow is Christmas! It’s practically here!”

Then he growled, with his Virus cilia nervously drumming,

“I must find some way to keep Christmas from coming!

“For, tomorrow, I know all the Who girls and boys

Will wake bright and early.  They’ll rush for their toys!

“Why, after nine months of causing loss of taste and smell

I must stop Christmas from coming as well.”

Then he got an idea! An awful idea!

The Virus got a wonderful, awful idea!

“I know just what to do!” the Virus laughed in his throat.

“I’ll cancel all the Christmas gatherings, and make CDC the scapegoat!”

“This is job number one,” the old Virus hissed,

“I’ll cancel Christmas parties; Whos will be pissed.”

Then he slithered and slunk, with a smile most unpleasant,

And cancelled most everything . . . at least for the present.

“Pooh-pooh to the Whos!” he was nauseously humming.

“They’re finding out now that no Christmas is coming!

“They’re just waking up with congestion and runny noses.

They’re coughing and vomiting,” the Virus supposes.

“That’s a noise,” grinned the Virus, “that I simply must hear!”

He paused, and the Virus put a hand to his ear.

But this sound wasn’t sad, like from a sore throat.

“Why this sound sounded glad,” the Virus said, and I quote.

He hadn’t stopped Christmas from coming! It came!

Somehow or other, it came just the same!

And the Virus, with his nucleic acid and protein coat

Stood puzzling and puzzling. “Well that’s a heckuva note!”

“It came without parties! It came without concerts

It came without exchanging sticky fruitcake desserts!”

He puzzled and puzzled till his puzzler was sore.

Then the Virus thought of something he hadn’t before.

Maybe Christmas, he thought, doesn’t come from a store.

Maybe Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more!

Christmas came, just as it did in 2019,

And the Virus, he himself, got the first COVID vaccine.


No comments on this item Please log in to comment by clicking here